eFax of Life from CBMC Heartland
A Weekly Inspirational Thought from Ken Korkow
Confessions of a Control-Freak
Because I've been hurt, abandoned, had expectations destroyed - my fears have driven me to try controlling my world. I've used anger / intimidation / obsessive work / 'perks' and 'jerks' / etc. to manipulate my surroundings.
In the process I've caused my world to shrink - as I've damaged myself and others.
Years ago - I asked a man: "How did you know I had PTSD?"
He responded: "You were trying to hard."
(You don't have to have been in military combat to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. All it takes is for a person to experience, witness or be confronted with a traumatic event which involves actual or threatened death or serious injury to themselves or others which causes a response of intense fear, horror or helplessness.)
With PTSD some folks RETREAT (into booze, drugs, isolation, etc.) while others ATTACK (in business, sports, controlling relationships, etc.).
Controlling / intimidating / arrogant people are generally driven by fear.
As a Christian - I find I have 2 personalities: 1.) when it's a 'bluebird day' with everything going fine & I'm abiding in Christ - my identity is conformed to the Person of Christ: 2.) when I'm under stress and NOT walking in the Person of Christ - I revert to my dog-vomit / flesh-driven / self-directed way of life.
Consequently - under stress - I'm fearful and seek to regain 'control' so I can achieve my desired outcome.
Problem is: 1.) we humans never have been nor will we ever be 'in control' - IF God is really sovereign; 2.) even if we could control people and events - we really don't know what is best - in the long (think 'eternity') run.
However - IF God is love - and IF He really loves me and has my Best Interests in mind - then WHY has He allowed so many bad / unfair things to happen?
Books have been written on that question. I've read some of them. And I still don't totally get-it. But I've lived long enough now (61 years) to see 1.) God doesn't waste pain; 2.) He is Totally in Control; 3.) some of the things that felt overwhelmingly terrible - we later actually the foundation for good. (please read 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 for great insight)
Back to PTSD: some of you know Liz and I have a son, Adam, who's right now a Marine pilot just back from Iraq. I recently sent him an e-mail which contained these thoughts:
I'll leave you with this quote from Lt. Col. (ret.) Dave Grossman (author of 'On Killing' and 'On Combat'):
"Most everyone has heard of PTSD, but not everyone knows about Post-Traumatic Growth. Neitze said, "What does not kill me only makes me stronger." The Bible says the same thing many times over when talking about how we can grow from our trials and tribulations. As an example, in the Book of Romans, Chapter Five reads: "We glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation works patience; and patience experience; and experience, hope, and hope makes not ashamed."
"Some people who never have anything go wrong in their lives can be shallow and fragile individuals. It is often those who have had challenges and trials in their lives who grow the most - they seem to be the strongest in future life challenges."
Adam - what I'm seeing now is MANY people are experiencing the greatest trauma they ever have know - in job and financial loss. And those shock waves are moving through the rest of their lives - rocking their very foundations. May we, as Christ-ones, keep our eyes and hope on Him - and be ready to share with others the reason for our peace and joy.
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