eFax of Life from CBMC Heartland
A Weekly Inspirational Thought from Ken Korkow
Porn and Emotional Adultery
I asked Liz if while we were making love - she'd ever thought of another man. She said "no". Wow! Women sure can be different from men!!
After becoming a 'born-again Christian' (that phrase is actually a redundancy: if you're not born-again then you're not a Christian) at the age of 30 - I stopped committing physical adultery. Yet now - after 24 more years of seeking to become more like Christ - the temptation for emotional adultery is still present. And I'm not alone. A week doesn't go by where I'm not dealing with someone caught up in pornography or adultery.
Consider this:
Many Christian men know that filling their minds with sexual images is diminishing their capacity to relate to others in a healthy way. They know it's wrong, but in their hearts they don't care. In most cases, it's not that a man can't let go of pornography. He won't let go because he feels he deserves to look. Brewing deep within his soul is a rarely acknowledged level of cynical rage that justifies his excursions to the unreal fantasy world of perfect bodies and sexual seduction.
Men are usually surprised by the degree and intensity of anger in their souls. Why are they angry? Because others don't appreciate them. They believe others require too much of them or expose their inadequacies. They're angry about the lack of meaning and fulfillment in life. Christian men are especially angry and disillusioned with a religious system that hasn't lived up to it's billing. They've jumped through all the hoops, and their lives are still not working out as they thought they would. They're angry with a God who often seems distant and uncaring. And worse, they seriously doubt that things are going to get better. In this angry, cynical crisis of hope, they believe they deserve a break.
The Bible gives us an example of this cynical attitude in the hearts of God's chosen people. The prophet Isaiah foresaw Jerusalem as being attacked by enemy armies. Instead of turning to God for protection and provision, His people chose to handle the situation themselves. When their efforts failed and the enemy started closing in, they adopted a cynical, hopeless attitude. Resigning themselves to defeat, they said, "Let us eat and drink….for tomorrow we die!" (Isa. 22:13). In other words, "We might as well live it up today because there's no hope for tomorrow."
This is the same cynical attitude found in the hearts of men who regularly look at pornography. One man said, "No mater what I do, my wife is never going to appreciate the things I do for this family. This is never going to change. Whenever I'm struck with the hopelessness of this fact, the urge for pornography seems entirely reasonable."
Men involved in a self-destroying habit withdraw from others and God by turning to an idol they feel is needed and deserved. They lack faith in the One who suffered the ultimate price to be able to accept them. They lack the hope and vision for the kind of men they could be and what they could accomplish for God. As a result, they lose the purpose that comes from living for the sake of something greater than themselves. The situation may seem bleak, but the Spirit of God can rebuild faith, renew hope, and awaken a purpose that can replace and put to death an idolatrous demand for pornography."
This quote comes from a 32-page booklet entitled "When A Man's Eye Wanders" which goes on to address "The Dangers of Pornography," "Why Are Men So Vulnerable To Pornography?," "Why Do Men Continue To Look?," "What Are The Limits Of Self-Restraint And Denial?" and "How Can Men Move Toward Freedom?" If you'd like a free copy, please give me your mailing address even if you've requested something before (because unless you ask to be added to our database or make a donation, we don't keep your address).
CBMC Heartland, 08/08/02
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