eFax of Life from CBMC Heartland
A Weekly Inspirational Thought from Ken Korkow
Touching, Sex, and Love
“Can’t you just hold me without always wanting sex?!?!”
When my wife asked me that – I thought it was the dumbest statement I’d ever heard. In my mind – it was the equivalent to going to all the work of hunting pheasants – finally flushing a rooster – and then NOT pulling the trigger!
Touching can be a ‘touchy’ subject. Sexual harassment lawsuits, homosexuality, and promiscuity/adultery are some of the potential taboos – yet you and I need to touch and be touched.
Remember the Sociology class study from our college days? A baby was provided all the physical nourishment and care needed – but not held/cuddled/given physical expression of love – and died. To develop properly – we humans crave loving touch – so let’s consider various relationships.
Peer-to-Peer: This morning I’m dropping off two dozen Krispy Kreme donuts to the Walker Tire guys at their Gold Circle location. They give us exceptional service and I simply want to let them know we are appreciative. I’ve never met/shook hands with any of the service men in the back – but this is a way to touch them in a tangible manner.
When our office manager, Dyann, comes in, I’ll probably give her a smile and through the day – may give her a hug. She and her husband and two children are ‘family’ to us – and if I had to have a sister – she’s the kind I’d like.
At noon, I’ll shake hands with 15+ people as they come into the office for an informational luncheon regarding the Forums ministry (6-8 business owner/managers meet once a month – for five hours of in-depth accountability, encouragement, business and personal development, etc.). Some – I might slap on the back or hug.
And if Bruce Neuharth stops by – I’ll probably give him a ‘wedgie’! We have been friends, business partners, soul-mates for years. Closer than a blood-brother.
I’m amazed at how people can walk right by – in a hallway or on a sidewalk – and never make eye contact. No smiles. Not even an acknowledgement of existence. And I wonder how empty their buckets must be! Reminds me of the book ‘The Lonely Crowd’ by David Riesman.
Parent-to-Child: My parents were ‘workers’ – not ‘lovers’. We three brothers knew we were loved – but the physical and verbal clues were hard to find. So when Liz and I married at age 20 – the Lord was very wise to let us go eight years until we had our first child. I had (and still do have) lots to learn about love/nurturing – but the premise is that I need to keep working at more loving-touch with each of them – even though our children are all college graduates now. The need doesn’t stop!
Spouse-to-Spouse: I’ve never heard of a marriage that broke up because of too much touching/loving between a husband and wife. Intimacy with your spouse is much more beneficial than a One-A-Day multiple vitamin, improving body, emotions and the marriage relationship. Plus – I’ve found I’m much less tempted by other women when my needs are being met at home.
Guys tend to be conquer-oriented. When Liz and I were first married – it didn’t take me long to get bored with her body – so I went looking for other challenges.
Problem was – I couldn’t be satisfied. Physical lust can’t be satisfied. It’s like a forest fire that will never say ‘enough’!
The only way to really be fulfilled physically, emotionally, relationally – is when your marriage is based upon husband and wife each having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the Source of true love. Without a personal relationship with Christ – you might possibly have a good marriage. But you will never have a great marriage.
Yet Liz and I have seen marriages where both husband and wife are Christians – and their marriages stink. Why? Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”. If you and your wife are both Christians – and your marriage is not sexually fulfilling – I recommend you read two books by Dr. Ed Wheat ‘Intended for Pleasure’ and ‘Love Life’ and another book by Gary Chapman called ‘The Five Love Languages’. Do not be satisfied with less than God’s best.
It’s amazing to me how I could be bored with my wife within our first year of marriage and yet now – after 35 ½ years of marriage – find her so wonderful and satisfying. God has a monopoly on real love. When our lives and relationships are not based on His truth – we will never be fulfilled.
Our marriage is anything but boring. As fundamental Christians – we’ve learned how to have lots of fun. Case in point: I just gave my wife the ‘Mother of All Valentine’s Gifts’.
It’s red – of course. Very red. And it’s big. Very big. And it’s wonderful. In fact – I’ve never heard of a man that had the foresight, love, imagination to bestow such a wonderful gift upon his sweetheart. I just gave Liz a big, bright-red FIRE TRUCK!
Yup. A real fire-truck. Thousand gallon tank. 5 & 2 transmission. Less than 4,600 miles on this baby. Purrs like a kitten. Will hit 70 MPH on the flat.
I’ll tell you more later – but I’m out of time now. Am going to go and just hug and hold my bride.
CBMC Heartland, 01/30/04
eFax of Life is an outreach of CBMC Heartland, which is a not-for-profit organization supported by tax-deductible contributions. If you or a friend have been encouraged by these articles and would like to make a contribution, please make your check payable to "CBMC - Heartland" and write in the memo line "eFax of Life support." You can mail your contribution to: Ken Korkow - c/o CBMC Heartland, 1065 North 115th Street, Suite 100, Omaha, Nebraska 68154-4423. Contributions are not necessary to continue receiving the Fax.
To have the Fax of Life sent to your email inbox every week, fill out this submission form and you'll be added to the list within a few days.
